Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Kyle Something.'s LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, December 20th, 2011
Tuesday December 20th, 2011	ive come to realize that i probably will never be truly happy and like ive said last millions of entries, the only thing that makes me truly happy in life is gone. i dont know how much more of this i can take. everytime i am happy or life is going good its just ripped apart slowly and terribly. if i could just have one more chance at life i wouldnt be such a fuck up. if i could just have one more chance at love id cherish it. if i could have one more chance with her, id never let her go. id never hurt her again. it is true when they say you dont realize what you have until its gone. ive lost everything. everything fell apart and it breaks my heart. i miss her so much. i want to spend the rest of my life with her. its all m fault. please god show me a sign. please. ending my life is becoming a better option day after worthless day.... still i wont give up on her. on us.
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Tuesday December 20th, 2011	lost everything i lost everything that meant anything to me. again. this time i know its my fault... why the fuck couldnt i just show her i loved her? i know why. its because i was scared, yes scared. scared of being hurt again, but look at me now. i fucked everything up and i cant handle this life i live anymore. she means the world to me and i lost her. the first time i lost her was terrible but this? this is the worst feeling in the world. lets put it this way, if i had a fucking gun i would know how to use it for good. i dont deserve to be happy, and i mean why should i? i completely messed up.i love her so much god. all i asked for was one more chance. one more chance and id know things would be different, but im too late. if i could just show her i truly feel i would and if i just saw her one more time id prove how much i love her. theres nothing worse than losing someone you love and thats why i dont want to be alive. ive lost the one girl i felt truly happy with. sure we had rough times but what relationship doesnt? all i know is this is my fault. its my fault shes gone. its my fault for not showing her how much i loved her. lord, you know how i feel for her and yet i still have to suffer. i dont want to end up alone and without her i will be. no matter how much shit ive been through for her, she will always be the one. without her im lost and the thought of her gone is unbearable. if i cant get another chance then whats the point of my life. ive been through hell and back for her and i miss her more than anything. i miss her face. i miss her love. i miss the way we laugh together and make fun of people. i miss her right next to me every night. i miss knowing shes there for me. i miss everything about her. im so sorry for everything and yet again you wont read this but i cant hold it in. im so fucking sorry jeri-marie. you are the best thing in my life and i fucked up. i can only hope and pray i can see her again. i pray to you lord that one day we can be happy again. i love her so much and all i wanted was one more chance. i cant lose her again, but i am. slowly im losing my love of my life. i may not be certain about many things in life, but i am about her. without her i can barely breath. please god, i am so sorry. just please let everything be ok. i cant lose her. if i do... then im done. with my life. i love you jeri, please forgive me. please know im always here for you and theres nothing more i care about then you.
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Thursday, March 10th, 2011
Thursday March 10th, 2011	one other thing.. i just want to say im getting older. i now really do know what i want in my life. i know what girl i want to have my future with. i know what i need to do. i just dont know how to get there. i dont know how to continue. im done wasting my fucking time with things i dont need or people i dont need. im done dealing with terrible events in my life that can be avoided. im here for one reason and for one girl i know this for a fact. nothing can change me now. im older and with time i hope everything will be what i dream. i love you and you know who you are.. i wish we could start our lives again. i know it would be for the best</3 hope and love is all i have for us.
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Thursday March 10th, 2011	still strugling to find myself. another year past, another year behind me. it was amazing.. i met the love of my life and im certain i want to be with her for my entire life. i just dont know if she still feels the same. as of last week shes gone. gone back to her old life, and it hurts so much. all i can do is hope and have faith. i love her more than anybody knows. she made me feel so alive... <3 now to the complete present. im back to feeling hopeless and im still unsure of many things. just like the last post about my 2 year aniversary of my rebirth, in 10 days marks the 3rd year in my new life. and once again i feel nothing, though its the most important thing thats happened to me. im happy to be alive and im grateful ,but a lot of times i feel as if i should have just died to prevent any further pain. its sad but true. i just want to be completely happy and sure of my future. ill never know. the only reason i was excited for this years celebration of my new lungs was because i couldnt wait to share it with jeri, the girl whos been through a lot with me and been there to care for me. it really would have meant a lot to me, but she left before i had a chance to have that day with her. although it not my fault i regret it. only god knows if shell be there for me next time around... i miss her dearly. and i pray for everything to work out. i just hate not knowing. sometimes i just want to get away from it all. move to somewhere completely new and start a completely new life. im tired of how my life always turns out. maybe one day i can havde everytthing i need and want. again im rambling on and on.. its funny how this site makes me do this. i just feel like im losing grip on what i know and love. thats why i vent to no one. there was a time when i was cared for, when people actualy cared what i had to say. RIP to that. once again day dreaming is a daily part of me. once again insomnia controls my nights. once again i wonder when things will just fall in place... not for a bit but forever. once again i have no control. once again i want to be happy. truly happy. ive found that thing that makes me truly happy but its gone. for the rest of my life? i really hope not. i pray to god, to have her one day by myside. i am strong i know this but im broken. she can put me back together. i wont give up on her. im going now. i talk to much. repent me to hope and love. Current Mood: crushed
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Monday, March 22nd, 2010
Monday March 22nd, 2010	1st time in a year. yesterday... well 2 days ago was my second year anniversary of when i died and was reborn. i feel nothing, yet i know its somehow important. i lost many friends. i let myself go. i shall be renewed one day. one day things will fall in place. right now all i need is hope and love. i need me. i miss having a girlfriend... but thats life. live and let go. i am rambling. who gives a fuck. daydreaming has become my best friend. insomnia is something i still know to well. my ears are almost an inch now and i am getting tattoos in april. maybe one day ill truley be happy. untill that day comes, ill just wonder. i am done. its not like anybody reads this anyway. salvation lies within Current Mood: dirty
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Saturday, March 14th, 2009
Saturday March 14th, 2009	just for the record. that wasnt me typing the last entry.. duhh! haha. as if anyone cares. anyways krista krista krista, i love love love you a lot. you make me happy. you are very amazing. you are beautiful. thanks for a good morning, they always good with you =]. well i have nothing else to say, but yeah chilis was yummy tonight. i had little mini burgers and fries, oh and some coke! bye love you. Current Mood: FULL!!!
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Friday, March 13th, 2009
Friday March 13th, 2009	krista invades my privacy and went on my livejournal. muahahaha i'm krista. yeah kyle it is me typing okay i like to invade other things STOP SCARING ME AAND TICKLING MEAUGHJGDJ JHDwhjgd k bye i lover you kyle
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Wednesday, March 11th, 2009
Wednesday March 11th, 2009	no sleep feeling sick this week was baddd. i had like no sleep, i feel sick, im not gonna get my homework done on time, and yeah blahh! hopefully the weeks to come are better, and hopefully this sickness will go away by the weekend... mhm. well anyways tonight im going to do nothing, at least i get pizza hut. then again i dont know ifmy stomach will tolerate it lol. fuck you tummy! i miss you krista baby!! byee!!<3 Current Mood: sick.
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Friday, March 6th, 2009
Friday March 6th, 2009	pictures today i went to open lab and printed out pictures that were do 2 weeks ago lol =p. i was there for 2 hours, and the prints came out nicely. i even printed an extra one out of krista because i dont know ive been meaning to do that, besides shes so beautiful so yeah <3. speaking of krista i didnt talk to her like at all today its upsetting but i know she still loves me, and i sure as hell love her to death. i was just busy with band stuff. well im tired for once, wooooo!! so goodnight. sjaflskdjfak imissyou! Current Mood: wink hah =p
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Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009
Tuesday March 3rd, 2009	middletown ok so today i finally got my drum head for my floor tom. man that thing was hard to find. anyways yeah im happy about it, the thing sounds amazing. it was kind of gay driving all the way to middletown for it, but yeah if i didnt i wouldnt have it right now. wappingers alto doesnt have it, they can be really gay lol. besides that nothing important happend. i got wendys, played some drums, and chilled inside. like always ha =p. also my addiction with parkway drive continues, im listening to them now hah! thats ok though. so RIGH NOW im talking to the girl i love very much, and typing in this journal. its kind of boring, not krista, the computer that is. krista is never boring =]. ok well im going to go now. i miss someone a lot. i want to seee herrrr. i love her. yay. bye<3 Current Mood: lick lick
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Monday, March 2nd, 2009
Monday March 2nd, 2009	smoke em if you got em' thats my favorite song as of now, its very melodic and yet heavy. parkway drive rocks my non exsisting socks. anyways... over the past 2 weeks nothing special really happend, although i saw krista a couple times. that was fun =]. i dont remember all the time but one of the times we saw coraline. i enjoyed that movie very much, it was creepy though! in the movie theatre, there was these 3 anoying girls krista included just kiddingc ha =p. but really 2 girls in that theatre were so anoying i wanted to punch them, thats illegal though so no. besides that yeah nothing special just photography class which is going good by the way. now back to the future.. today was very boring...snowed in...cold... and yeah blah. whatever. i love krista she is cute oh yesssssss. i think im gonna kiss her soon. maybe this weekend we can hangout a lot. if not ill cry =p. well im done for now cause i have nothing to say and i have to get back to playing GRID so krista can get mad at me and say "stop playing that stupid game! go to bed!" haha. i was just kidding im done with that game tonight, im gonna go talk to krista now cause she is on the phone listening to me type this. doesnt that seem fun? you betchya! ok well bye everyone who reads this (no one) i love you baby! you are the best ever <33 Current Mood: FOODD
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Monday, February 16th, 2009
Monday February 16th, 2009	adventure plus other things today was good. for the 3rd day in a row i saw krista, and thats always a very good time in my day. so yeah after waking up from a scary chainsaw guy dream, with jessica simpson in it, i got a call from krista...well ok i lied she woke me up from the dream but thats besides the point! anyway after talking for an hour or so we decided to have an adventure day. adventure days are always filled with fun so i was very excited to be with her. when i got there we decided to go get something to eat, so we went to momma pizza? perhaps? idk really, but it yummyfull. after that we werent really sure what to do so we went to a park. that didnt last long for 2 reasons, coldness & coldness. so finally after the amazing trip we went back to her house to watch finding nemo. that moviie is silly, i love it! like krista of course =D. the best part was the crab making karate noises moving his claws at the onlooking sea guls haha. during the movie however we were as cute as ever! i love being with her so much. we kissed, cuddled, blah blah blah and yeah cute stuff <3 well there you have it ! it was a good day and im happy i saw my baby. plus we took cute pictures, so yay to that. im tired so bye for now. i love you forever krista<333 ill try to write in this more hah. Current Mood: content
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Saturday, January 10th, 2009
Saturday January 10th, 2009	hii =] hey i havnt updated this in forever, so here we gooooo. first off nothing much has changed in my life.. except one thing. i found this amazinggg amazinggg girl. she is everything i could ask for, plus more. anyways last night was so fun! i got to see krista, my love loveee. around 5 30 i picked her up and off we went to my house. it was fun sneeking around and what not. she knows what i mean =p. after that grand ol' time we went to the movies. i wanted to see the unborn but it was sold out, so we settled for a REALLY GOOD movie instead... bride wars haha. whatever it was really fun just to be with her. after the movies i took her home, and almost died. let me explain ! well i happend to be really thirsty, so i asked krista for some sprite and suddenly i began to drown!!!! oh my god!!!!! just kidding, i love you =]. i dont have much to say now except... today sucks its boring and im snowed in woo. at least im talking to mah baby lol <3 im gonna go now, ill update sometime soon i supose. ok bye! i love you. you make me smile. heres that update silly! Current Mood: upside down! =D
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Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008
Tuesday September 23rd, 2008	as days go by. my life has took many turns this past summer. sadly, i must say it was for the worst. i dont even know where to begin, it hurts to even think about some things... but i need to vent. again, to know one, but i dont care. well i guess i can start off by how i missed most of highschool. although things are going alright now, in the begining i had no idea what i was going to do. i felt like a drop out loser. i know it wasnt my fault due to a coupe things, but it was horrible. lets just say my life was on hold for about a year and i almost died. luckily though i had one best friend who was there for me untill the end and, she got me through it. i felt so lost in this world. i didnt believe in anything, i was very depressed, and she gave me the strength to continue. she cared for me in a way that was unbeleivably amazing and it meant the world to me <3. i loved her greatly, and to this day i still do, though it hurts to say. you probably wont read this, but i thank you boo <3. all this talk actually leeds to my next point =/. as i sit here writing to nobody, i am lonely. not only did i lose the girl of my dreams, but i lost my only true best friend. the worst part of all is that it was pretty much all my fault. she was a huge part of my life and now shes gone for good. she knew everything about me and stuck with me even when i was the biggest asshole. if i could take back everything ive done wrong i would but, sadly i cant. words cant even describe how i much miss her and want her back in my arms.. its been so long since ive seen her, heard her voice, or felt her touch. id do anything just to kiss her one last time. to tell her "i love you" one last time. i care way to much about her and if i cant have a future with her, i dont want to have a future at all. no one can replace her. she was special to me in so many ways. she stood by me when the world left me behind. she had faith in me when i had no faith in myself. she held onto me when death was on my mind. she made me smile like nobody could. she was more than just love, she was a friend and thats all i needed. a best friend. and for that i thank her. she was, and still is the most wonderfull person ive ever met. ill never forget her. ill never forget the love she showed me. and ill never forget all the best times we've shared. i only wish shed forgive me for everything, but i just dont know. the only thing i do know is that she will always be the heart in me. she will always be, the love, the past, the memories <3. always and forever. i love you, im sorry. just know i am so proud of you. for everything, you deserve the best<3.
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Monday, June 2nd, 2008
Monday June 2nd, 2008	ive lost someone i love to death. id give anything for things to be ok again. i miss her.. </3
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Thursday, October 11th, 2007
Thursday October 11th, 2007	stuff about stuff. well you havnt heard from me ina while so heres to everyone who cares ha.. im a junior now and im turning 16 in 2 weeks=]. i mean its not omg amazing but i can finally drive which is cool. so basically as before.. im still in love with lor. and im happy about that<3 but we've fought recently and i feel so fucking bad. i hate fighting with her, it makes me feel like the worse person ever....especially since it was my fault =/. i just hope she forgives me. she knows i love her, and i mean i know she loves me, so hopefully things will be ok. besides that 2 its days till homecoming. i was supose to go with lor but as of now idk, hopefully though. i wanna see her and have an amazing time! other than that nothing really significant took place in my life, since i last updated. one really cool thing though is i got my lip done i love it =]. im gonna go bye! Current Mood: calm, sad.
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Sunday, June 17th, 2007
Sunday June 17th, 2007	showshow tdwp i love lor =]. we had an amazing time<3. i looked so ugly but oh well, baby was very cute =]. im tired,night!!!
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Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
Tuesday May 15th, 2007	me and lor started going back out yesterday, it felt really good because i knew it was for real. but its not today everything is just fucked idk what happend we basically fell apart to nothing. all i wanted in life was to be happy with her and i was. but now im not i dont know what to do anymore. i still love her but god fucking help me.
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Sunday, May 6th, 2007
Sunday May 6th, 2007	lor i saw lor on 5/2/07 =]. it was amazinnggg like always. she is so adorable and i love her<33 mhm i dont really have anything else to say! <33 Current Mood: cold and idk
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Sunday, April 29th, 2007
Sunday April 29th, 2007	dont ask me why i keep writing in this. no one ever reads or comments it anyway. idk. i guess i do it for me, and to vent. well pretty much past couple days sucked. i went to see escape the fate and they canceled again. so i did nothing. oh and i havnt hung out with anyone or talked on the phone witha certain someone in forever. it really sucks. i really have nothing in life anymore. im done byee.
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